How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I just sucked dick on a ferry
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
