alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
