Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
