hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Plan B is the new Plan A
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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