God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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