I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize