tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
