We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize
