When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
