but the lizard people decide everything anyway
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
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