your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
ttyl tear gas
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
