So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
