if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
