Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
