My first STD was from a foam party
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Randomize