when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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