Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize