I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize