we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
