I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
