I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
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