Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
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