So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
