everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
