Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize