I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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