Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
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