Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
i came on her dog
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
