That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Randomize
