I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize
