I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
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