Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
