I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Randomize
