Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
