The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
