It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
