Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Someone stole a lamp last night.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
