I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Randomize
