i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
