I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
