Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
