i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
