Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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