I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
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