If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
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