Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
