If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
