He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Buhtt sex?
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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