man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
