Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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