I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Randomize
