We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
i now understand why vodka
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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