I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
