I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I enjoy the company of your penis
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
