you would pick up someone in the library
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
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