I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize