This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
