its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Randomize