what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
The uberlube is also flammable
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
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