return my video game
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Girls should come with a carfax report
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize