Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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