I love black thongs
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
i would punch a child for taco bell
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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