Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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