dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
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