If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
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