Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
