i already hear my dad disowning me
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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