We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
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