So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
