so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Randomize
